24 August 2011

Fictional Obituary

Dear San Francisco Chronicle,

Obituary ad for Miss Diane Kite:

I will not bore the general public with any treacly attempt at memorializing my daughter’s pathetic life. She was born on April 18, 1979 in Alameda, CA; but she was dead to me by the time she moved down to San Jose with that boy with crimson eyes and devil horns. He had a way of sucking the life right out of her; like a deflated beach ball consumed by the high tide at dusk.

As I sit here writing this, punched in the gut by some complex emotions which I can’t describe, I imagine her furtively planning her grand exit; as if there was any dignity in acetaminophen poisoning and stomach pumps. The happy times she and I shared now fade away with time, like sandcastles washed away with each destructive wave. She is survived by her mother, estranged father, a deplorable boyfriend, four bastard children, and a less than flattering reputation.

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